SUPER BUBBA (sneak preview)

                      Leon Tchaikovsky’s
           SUPER BUBBA
               
by Leon Tchaikovsky
















Leon Tchaikovsky
61 Joshuatown Road
Lyme, Connecticut
06371-3119
United States of America
Earth (outside Los Angeles)









Other screenplays by Leon Tchaikovsky: (Collect them all!)

ROFTL WITH BOB
TRIALS OF A 58 YEAR OLD VIRGIN
OUR MAINE GUY
REACH FOR THE SKY
THE SIXTH DIMENSION
HITTING BOTTOM
THE LAST SOLDIER TO DIE
LIFE HURTS
MY SHORTS ARE SHOWING
LIKE KISSING MY SISTER
PLAY BY DOZENS
THIS FILM IS A HORROR
LOS ANGELES COULD DO BETTER
FINDING THE PERFECT MATE
PHISH OUT OF WATER
TIME AGAIN
THE QUEENS IDIOTS
THE LIFE OR DEATH OF IMMORTALITY
THE PRISON LIBRARIAN
JOAN OF DARK
CHANGE YOURSELF, CHANGE THE WORLD
ZOMBIES VERSUS ROBOTS VERSUS US
THE LITERAL FALL OF ONE KING OR ANOTHER





















FADE IN.

EXT. KENT HOUSE - DAY

A mailbox along a rural road reads “KENT”.

The Kent house, a middle class rural house, exists set away from the road.

A Swift truck drives down the road.

INT. SWIFT TRUCK - CONTINUOUS - DAY

A middle aged DAD drives the truck.

TAYLOR, Dad’s nine year old daughter, sits in the passenger seat looking disgruntled.

DAD
Taylor, when you grow up,
you will inherit and take
over my trucking company.

TAYLOR
I want to become a singer.

DAD
The only way I’ll let you
waste your life as a singer
is if God struck me, right now.

EXT. KENT HOUSE - DAY

A meteor falls from the sky.

The meteor hits the truck.

TAYLOR (o.s.)
Yippee!

The meteor bounces high into the sky.

EXT. RURAL HUNTING GROUND - DAY

JUDD APATHY, a twenty-five year old dressed as a hillbilly holds a hunting rifle.

HECTOR, a twenty-five old dressed as a hillbilly holds a hunting rifle.

JUDD
Honest, Hector. I shot at a
rabbit and this bubbling black
tar came out of the ground.

HECTOR
That’s oil, Judd.

JUDD
That’s impossible. You have to
drill for oil.

HECTOR
If you are seeping oil on your
land, you are rich. Not Beverly
Hills rich, but Pasadena rich.

The meteor falls on top of the oil pit.

JUDD
Dang. There goes my oil patch.

HECTOR
This is better. That’s a meteor.
One that size, I bet you can get
twenty bucks for it at the swap
meet.

EXT. RURAL HUNTING GROUND - DAY

Judd pushes the meteor up boards to the back of a pick-up truck.

Hector pushes the meteor up boards to the back of the pick-up truck.

Judd walks to the driver’s side of the pick-up truck.

Hector walks to the passenger’s side of the pick-up truck.

Judd enters the pick-up truck.

Hector enters the pick-up truck

Judd drives away the pick-up truck.

The meteor rolls off the back of the pick-up truck.

EXT. MISSY’S SWAP MEET - DAY

A store has a sign reading “Missy’s Swap Meet”.

Judd leans in front of the pick-up truck.

Hector leans in front of the pick-up truck.

MISSY, a woman, walks from the meteor in the back of the pick-up truck to the front of the pick-up truck.

MISSY
I’ll give you ten bucks.

JUDD
We want twenty bucks for
the rock.

MISSY
I don’t want that worthless
baby. I want ten bucks for
the baby.

HECTOR
What baby?

MISSY
The baby in the rock. City
folk will pay me as much as
twenty-five bucks for a
newborn.

Judd walks to the back of the pick-up truck.

Hector walks to the back of the pick-up truck.

Judd sees a BABY sitting in the middle of the meteor which has cracked open.

Hector sees the baby.

JUDD
Price is still twenty.

MISSY
Fifteen bucks. That’s my
final offer.

JUDD
Then I’m keeping the
baby.

HECTOR
Then you owe me ten
bucks.

JUDD
How do you figure?

HECTOR
That’s my share.

JUDD
We didn’t make a sale.

HECTOR
Five bucks.

JUDD
It fell on my property.

HECTOR
One buck.

Judd reaches into his pocket.

JUDD
How about my last piece
of gum?

HECTOR
Sold.

INT. JUDD HOUSE - DAY

The house is a one room wooden shack.

SAVANNAH APATHY, a twenty-five old dressed as a hillbilly, stands over a stove pipe cooking food.

Judd enters holding a large bundled blanket.

JUDD
Hi, Savanah. You’ll never guess
what I caught today.

HECTOR
Can I cook it?

JUDD
You could, but you wouldn’t
want to.

HECTOR
Is it a critter I can keep?

JUDD
Remember when I told you
where babies come from?

SAVANNAH
Yes. You said now we’re married,
that you get to put your thing into
me, and that if we do that enough,
a stork will bring up a baby.

JUDD
And we’ve done the first two
steps.

SAVANNAH
Lots to times. Several times a
day. And night. And sometimes
alone.

JUDD
Well, the stork came through.

SAVANNAH
We’re getting a baby stork?

Judd opens the blanket to show the baby to Savannah.

JUDD
Better. We have a baby.

SAVANNAH
I thought I had to get pregnant.

JUDD
Remember that five pounds you
gained over the holidays?

SAVANNAH
Those were a lot of race car
driver birthdays we had to
celebrate.

JUDD
That was your pregnancy.

INT. PARENTING SUPPORT GROUP MEETING - DAY

A sign reading “Parenting Support Group” hangs on the wall.

ELLEN, a mother, moderates the discussion.

MOTHERS sit in a circle.

Savannah sits holding her baby Bubba covered as Bubba is breastfeeding.

SUE, a mother, speaks.

SUE
And I’m glad I finally got him
toilet trained.

ELLEN
Thank you for sharing about
your gran-pappy. Do anyone
have a story to share about
a baby?

Savannah raises her hand.

SAVANNAH
I have a problem breast
feeding my baby, Bubba.

ELLEN
It looks to me like your
baby is breast feeding well.

SAVANNAH
That’s the problem. He
won’t let go.

ELLEN
Just remove him.

SAVANNAH
I can’t. He’s latched on
and he won’t let go.

Sue rises.

Sue walks to Savannah.

SUE
Here, let me help.

Sue reaches under the blanket.

Sue pulls Bubba.

Sue’s pulling drags Bubba and Savannah across the room.

SUE (cont’d)
I need help.

Ellen grabs Bubba’s right leg.

Sue grabs Bubba’s left leg.

Ellen and Sue drag Savannah and Bubba across the room

ELLEN
That is one strong baby.

INT. JUDD’S HOUSE - DAY

Bubba lays face up in a crib.

Savannah removes a diaper from Bubba.

A strong stream of urine shoots from Bubba into the ceiling.

The urine makes a hole in the ceiling.

A part of the ceiling around the hole falls to the floor.

SAVANNAH
That’s one strong organ. You
are going to make some
woman very happy someday.
If she survives.

INT. JUDD’S HOUSE - DAY

Savannah reads a copy of the “Irrational Inquirer” while sitting on a chair.

Judd cleans his gun that is pointed at Judd’s head.

Bubba is inside a crib.

Bubba bends the bars of the crib.

Bubba escapes from the crib.

SAVANNAH
Judd, Bubba escaped again.

Judd rises.

Judd grabs another crib.

Judd grabs Bubba.

Judd puts Bubba into the crib.

JUDD
This is the strongest crib they
make. If this doesn’t work, I
don’t know what will.

Bubba tries to bend the bars of the crib.

The bars of the crib do not bend as Bubba tries harder to bend the bars.

Bubba collapse exhausted.

SAVANNAH
What kind of crib is that?

Judd points to the name of the crib printed on the crib which reads “Crib Tonight”.

JUDD
It’s called Crib Tonight.

Judd picks up a full sized football which is about as big as Bubba.

Juss puts the football in the crib.

JUDD (cont’d)
Never too early to expose
him to America’s game.

Judd walks away from the crib.

A fast thrown football hits Judd in the back of Judd’s head.

Judd collapses to the ground.

SAVANNAH
I think Bubba’s getting the
hang of football.

INT. JUDD’S TRUCK - DAY

Judd drives the truck.

Hector sits in the passenger’s seat.

Bubba, three years old, sit in the middle wearing a shirt with a big “S” printed on the shirt.

JUDD
Thanks for getting Bubba a
KSU shirt. Course, it was
a bit big, so only the S shows.

HECTRO
Kansas State. That’s the
college I applied to.

JUDD
You were rejected.

HECTOR
Still, it’s my school.

JUDD
It might have helped if
you finished high school.

HECTOR
Who knew colleges were
so picky.

A Sheriffs car appears behind Judd’s truck through the back window.

The Sheriff’s car puts on its siren and flashing lights.

HECTOR (cont’d)
Floor it.

JUDD
This baby can burn rubber
up to 55 miles per hour.

The Sheriff’s car turns.

The Sheriff’s car pulls in front on Judd’s truck.

Judd stopes the truck.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - CONTINUOUS - DAY

ROSCOE P. BLOWHARD, the Sheriff, exits the passenger’s side of the Sheriff’s car.

BERNICE FIEFDOM, the Deputy Sheriff, exits the driver’s side of the  Sheriff’s car.

ROSCOE
Out of the car. I am Sheriff
Roscoe P. Blowhard.

BERNICE
I’m Deputy Bernice Fiefdom.
Exit with your hands up.

Judd exits the truck holding his hands up.

Bubba follows Judd exiting the truck.

Bubba walks towards the Sheriff’s car.

Bernice exits the truck holding his hands up.

JUDD
What am I under arrest for?
Driving too slow?

Roscoe walks to the back of the truck.

Roscoe remove a tarp and exposes kegs.

ROSCOE
For hauling moonshine.

JUDD
Why, Sheriff, that’s just
lemonade, for the Girl
Scouts to sell with their
cookies.

Roscoe pours some moonshine from a tap on a keg into his hands.

Roscoe takes a swig of the moonshine and swishes it around Roscoe’s mouth.

Roscoe removes a lighter from his pocket.

Roscoe lights his lighter.

Roscoe spits out the moonshine.

A large fire emits from the spat-out moonshine.

ROSCOE
That’s pretty strong
lemonade for Girl Scouts.

HECTOR
Girl Scouts use it to
build camp fires.

ROSCOE
Smokey the Bear couldn’t
put that one out.

BERNICE
OK, gentlemen, time to
go under arrest.

Bubba stands next to the Sheriff’s car.

Bubba picks up the Sheriff’s car.

Bubba pushes the Sheriff’s car down a hill by the road.

The Sheriff’s car rolls down the hill.

JUDD
Don’t mind my boy.
He just likes playing
with cars.

BERNICE
That little boy..he didn’t…

Bernice runs after the Sheriff’s car.

HECTOR
You must not have put
your brake on.

ROSCOE
Deputy, this is going to
be a lot of paperwork.

Roscoe runs after the Sheriff’s car.

Hector runs to the truck.

Judd runs to Bubba.

Judd grabs Bubba.

Hector enters the passenger’s side of the truck.

Judd carrying Bubba enters the driver’s side of the truck.

INT. JUDD’S TRUCK - CONTINUOUS - DAY

Judd drives the truck.

JUDD
I think we have ourselves
a super new bodyguard.

BUBBA
I’m Super Bubba.

INT SEVENTH NATIONAL BANK OF MEDIUMVILLE - DAY

Judd enters a bank.

Bubba, ten years old, wearing a shirt with an S on it, enters the bank with Judd.

TRICIA, a teller, works at her station with a register full of cash in front of her.

SCOTT, an armed security guard, watches over the bank.

TELLERS and CUSTOMERS are in the bank.

Judd walks up to Tricia.

Judd hands a check to Tricia.

JUDD
I’d like to please cash this
check for five dollars.

Tricia takes the check from Judd.

TRICIA
I’ll need two forms of ID.

Judd lowers his shirt exposing a tattoo of his face with his name “Judd Apathy” underneath.

TRICIA (cont’d)
I’ll need one more form
of ID.

Judd hands his driver’s license to Tricia.

Tricia takes the drivers license from Judd.

TRICIA (cont’d)
I’m sorry. This expired
yesterday.

JUDD
But I didn’t expire. I’m
the same person today
than I was yesterday.

TRICIA
I can’t accept it.

BUBBA
You accept my dad’s
driver’s license, or I’ll
take  it the five dollars
from you

TRICIA
Aren’t you precious,
little boy? Have a
lollipop.

Tricia hands a lollipop to Bubba.

Bubba takes the lollipop from  Tricia.

Bubba reaches over to Tricia’s cash register drawer and the check.

Bubba yanks the entire cash register drawer out from the desk,

BUBBA
I’ll take this as compensation
for the childhood trauma you
just subjected me to.

SCOTT
Stop, or I’ll shoot.

BUBBA
You’d shoot a kid?

Bubba throws the lollipop at Scott’s gun.

The lollipop knocks Scott’s gun from his hand.

BUBBA (cont’d)
Let’s go, dad. Cartoons
are on in half an hour.

Bubba waves at customers who look started.

BUBBA (cont’d)
This bank has just
been robbed by Super
Bubba.

JUDD
Name trademarked. Check
our website for merchandise.

INT. METROPOLITAN YANKEE STADIUM - DAY

CHANCE TINKER, manager of the Metropolitan Yankees baseball team wearing his managers uniform with his name “TINKER” on the back, walks onto the ball field.

MARVIN STEINMUG, the owner of the Metropolitan Yankees, walks with Chance.

CHANCE
Why do I have to waste my
time trying out some sixteen
year old kid, Mr. Steinmug?

MARVIN
Just humor him, Chance, His
father owns three luxury boxes.

CHANCE
Marvin, the kid has never
played a game of ball.

MARVIN
His father bought him batting
cages, hired coaches, trainers,
says the kids has spent hours
a day since the kid was five
playing baseball.

CHANCE
Great. A spoiled brat who
thinks the world own him a
baseball contract.

MARVIN
Just try him out, manager.
Be nice, send him home,
if he displays a flash of
talent, tell him maybe
we’ll send him to the
rookie league in a couple
of years.

CHANCE
Who is his father?

MARVIN
Winthrop Ruth. Owns
Ruth Industries. He’s
like an eighth cousin to
Babe Ruth.

CHANCE
What’s the brats name?

MARVIN
Rexford.

CHANCE
Let’s see what the kid
can do.

Chance walks up to REXFORD ‘REX” RUTH, a sixteen years wearing a Metropolitan Yankees uniform with the number “4” on back standing on the pitchers mound.

BOO BOO BERRA, the bullpen coach with his name “BOO BOO BERRA” on the back of his Metropolitan Yankees uniform, squats behind home plate in a catcher’s position.

WHITEY FORGE, the pitching coach, with his name “WHITEY FORGE” on the back of his Metropolitan Yankees uniform, stands behind Boo Boo Berra holding a radar gun.

BOO BOO
Chance, you’ve got to see
this to believe it.

WHITEY
He’s got perfect control,
thrown twenty fastballs,
each over one hundred
miles per hour, plus
he’s got a wicked slider.

BOO BOO
He runs from home plate
to first base in four point
zero seconds.

CHANCE
That’s the fastest time
anyone on the team has.

BOO BOO
He can hit, too.

CHANCE
OK, Whitey, throw some
pitches to him.

REX
Thank you for the
opportunity, sir.

Rex walks to home plate.

Whitey walks to the pitcher’s mound.

CHANCE
Your welcome. I like
being called “sir”.

Rex picks up a baseball bat.

Rex stands in the batter’s box by home plate.

WHITEY
I’ve still got my major
league curve ball. Let’s
see if you can hit the
curve ball.

Whitey throws a curve ball at Rex.

Rex swings and hits the baseball.

The baseball sails high in the air and over the top of Yankee Stadium.

MARVIN
How much will it cost
to sign you, Rexford?
You’re worth any luxury
tax.

REX
He’s the thing.

MARVIN
Oh, oh.

REX
I want to play for the
league minimum. Use
the rest of my salary to
sign good teammates.

MARVIN
What?

REX
My dad’s a multi-billionaire.
I’m not interested in money.
I just want to win World
Series.

MARVIN
Someone, quick, get us
a contract.

REX
All I ask is I have enough
time to help charities in
each city we visit.

INT. SEVENTH NATIONAL BANK OF MEDIUMVILLE - DAY

LOUISE ALLEY, a thirteen year old, enters the bank.

Louise walks up to Tricia.

Scott confers with some BANK EXECUTIVES.

LOUISE
You’re the teller who was robbed,
aren’t you?

TRICIA
I’m sorry, but I am not giving out
any more lollipops. Who knew they
could be a weapon.

LOUISE
I’m Louise Alley, reporter for the
Twenty-four Hour Planet Blog.

TRICIA
How old are you?

LOUISE
Thirteen.

TRICIA
Isn’t that a strange age for a
cub reporter?

LOUISE
Of course. I’m a senior editor.

TRICIA
What do you want?

LOUISE
Do you have a clue who
robbed you?

TRICIA
The man did show me his
name on a check, an expired drivers license, and a tattoo
with his face and name.

LOUISE
So you know his name?

TRICIA
No. I didn’t look at it.

LOUISE
The security cameras
must have gotten good
pictures.

TRICIA
They don’t work. We can’t
afford real cameras.

LOUISE
Can you describe who
robbed you?

TRICIA
It was a boy, about ten
years old.

LOUISE
Was he armed?

Scott walks up to Tricia.

SCOTT
Yes. He had a lollipop.

LOUISE
How can a ten year old
with a lollipop rob a bank?

TRICIA
He had super powers.
He called himself Super
Bubba.

LOUISE
I find it hard to believe a
kid can have super powers.
Maybe if, say, he were
bitten by a radioactive
spider. I don’t find it
plausible that a child
can possess super powers.

TRICIA
Maybe he’s not of our
world.

SCOTT
Exactly. I bet he’s from
New York City.

INT. METROPOLITAN YANKEE STADIUM - DAY

MERV ALFIN provides commentary on a baseball game between METROPOLITAN YANKEES players and ORANGE COUNTY DODGERS players.

MCHAEL SAY provides color commentary on the game.

ALEX HERNANDEZ, wearing Metropolitan Yankees number 12 steps to home plate to bat.

CLAY CURTAIN wearing an Orange County Dodgers uniform is on the pitcher’s mound.

MERV (o.s.)
This is baseball history, or my
name isn’t…ah…

MICHAEL (o.s.)
Merv Alfin. You changed it
last week from Mervin Butts.
You were the butts of too
many jokes.

MERV (o.s.)
Thank you, Michael Say.
Say…

MICHAEL (o.s.)
Yes?

MERV (o.s.)
No, I wasn’t calling your
name. I was saying “say”.

MICHAEL (o.s.)
As you say.

MERV (o.s.)
Seventh game. World Series.
Tied scoreless game, bottom
of the ninth. Redford Ruth has
pitched a perfect nine innings
for the Metropolitan Yankees.
Yet Clay Curtain has a shutout
going pitching for the Orange
County Dodgers. The Yankees
have one out. The Dodgers
look for two out. The Yankees
look for a game winning run.

BOB HERDER, the public address announcer, speaks over the stadium’s public address system.

BOB (o.s.)
Now up. Alex Hernandez. Twelve.

Clay throws a pitch to home base.

Alex pops the baseball towards the pitchers mound.

Clay catches the baseball.

MERV (o.s.)
Two outs.

MICHAEL (o.s.)
The Yankees are down to
their last out for the inning.

MERV (o.s.)
Yes, that is what two outs
means.

Rex wearing a Metropolitan Yankees uniform with the number “4” walks to the plate.

BOB
Now up. Rex Ruth. Four.

Clay throws a pitch to home plate.

Ruth swings and hits the baseball.

The baseball sails out the field for a home run.

Rex runs around the bases.

The CROWD jeers jubilantly.

MERV
The Yankees win the World
Series! The Yankees win the
World Series!

MICHAEL (o.s.)
And the Dodgers have lost

MERV (o.s.)
Yes, that what it means when
the other team wins.

INT. JUDD’S HOUSE  - DAY

The house looks the same before except for a huge television and large stacks of cash stacked around the room.

Judd watches the post game analysis of the baseball game on a huge television screen the size of the wall.

Bubba watches the television screen.

JUDD
The Yankees win.

BUBBA
Time to collect debts from those
who bet on the Dodgers.

JUDD
And the one idiot who thought
the Cubs were in the World Series.

On the television screen, Merv is seen inside a jubilant Yankees locker room.

Rex walks up to Merv.

MERV
Here is the World Series MVP,
Rex Ruth. Tell me, Rex, where
are you doing to next? Disneyland?

REX
No, Universal Studios paid me to
say I am going there instead. Yet,
before I do that, I am going to
Middleville.

MERV
What are you doing in Middleville?

REX
I am going to help with with their
new  Anti-Crime Initiative. I will
help fight to rid Middleville of
their high crime rate.

JUDD
It looks to me that we have
a new nemesis.

BUBBA
Every super hero needs a
foil. Sheriff Blowhard is
not much of a challenge.
The fan comments on my
website think he is a
buffoon.

JUDD
But Rex Ruth is a national
hero.

BUBBA
What better a foil to tear
apart than someone so
beloved? Soon, the world
will tremble at the name
Super Bubba.

JUDD
That should increase
our product sales.

EXT. DOWNTOWN MIDDLESVILLE ROAD  - DAY

Rex walks down a sidewalk.

Louise walks with Rex interviewing Rex.

REX
I am shocked by the high level
of crime in this town. Everyone
has been victimized by Super
Bubba.

TED, a man walks by wearing a “I’ve been victimized by Super Bubba and all I got was having to spend $50 for this lousy t-shirt” t- shirt.

CLIFTON KENT, an 18 year old man, walks towards Louise holding a paper bag.

LOUISE
Excuse me, sir. We’re discussing
Super Bubba Have you ever met
him?

CLIFF
Met him? He steals my lunch at
school all the time.

LOUISE
What is your name?

CLIFF
Cliff Kent.

LOUISE
I’ve heard of you. The Kent family
adopted you after your parents
died in that tragic fire.

CLIFF
The Kents have been so nice. They
taught me right from wrong. That
Super Bubba is just wrong.

REX
Why does he pick on you?

CLIFF
He picks on everyone at school.

REX
How can he do that?

CLIFF
He’s indestructible and fast. He
moves like at the speed of light.

REX
That’s impossible.

LOUISE
It’s true. I’ve seen it.

REX
Most everyone stopped bringing
their lunches to school.

LOUISE
He forces everyone to buy
lunch from his dad Judd’s
food truck. They serve
road kill.

REX
How does he find enough
road kill to feed a whole
school?

CLIFF
Super Bubba runs over them
with his feet.

LOUISE
The moose burgers are
pretty good.

REX
Why don’t the residents stand
up to Super Bubba?

CLIFF
There is no stopping him. We’ve
tried everything.

REX
Not everything. What Middlesville
needs is its own super hero. I am
announcing today that I am fully
funding a super hero to fight
Super Bubba. His name is Gnat
Man.

LOUISE
Nat Man? As in the Nats baseball
team, the District of Columbia
Nationals?

REX
Not n a t. Gnat, G n a t.

LOUISE
How will a bug install fear in
Super Bubba?

REX
Maybe Super Bubba can’t be
stopped conventionally. Yet
Super Gnat will buzz around
Super Bubba’s ears until he
goes crazy and quits.

Bubba flies at high speed towards Louise.

Bubba stops and stands next to Louise.

BUBBA
Super Gnat? I’ll swat him
like a…gnat. Bring him on.

REX
You heard that?

BUBBA
I hear all. I have the ability
to hone in and hear thousands
of conversations at once. Which,
to be honest, is not a good super
power. The super power people
have in this town is they are all
super boring.

REX
You don’t know what you’re
facing.

BUBBA
I a faster than an automatic
weapon bullet. Nothing can
stop me.

REX
Not even an atomic bomb?

BUBBA
I eat atomic bombs when I want
to add hot spice to a meal.

REX
Every villain has a weakness.
Gnatman will find yours, and
Gnatman will then destroy you.

LOUISE
How do you respond to that,
Super Bubba?

BUBBA
My weakness is cute puppies,
but that won’t get me destroyed.
A litter teary, but not destroyed.

LOUISE
What are you going to do next?

BUBBA
Demand Cliff give me his lunch.

Cliff hands his paper bag to Bubba.

CLIFF
I hope you choke on it.

Bubba takes the paper bag opening it.

Bubba remove a liverwurst sandwich from the paper bag.

BUBBA
Liverwurst? Are you trying to
make me gag?

CLIFF
Honestly?

Bubba throws the liverwurst sandwich on the ground.

BUBBA
Tomorrow, you better bring me a
peanut butter, jelly, banana,
and mackerel sandwich.

Rex speaks to Louise.

REX
Is there a phone booth nearby?
I need to change…I mean…
ahh…

CLIFF
I saw a photograph of a phone
booth in a history book.

LOUISE
You can use my cell phone.

REX
I have one. Ahh. I’ll be back
later.

Rex runs around the corner into an alley..

EXT. ALLEY - CONTINUOUS - DAY

Rex removes his clothing expose he is wearing a Gnatman costume underneath his street clothes

Rex removes a mask with antennae from a pocket.

Rex puts on the mask.

Rex runs back around the corner.

EXT. DOWNTOWN MIDDLESVILLE ROAD - CONTINUOUS - DAY

Rex runs to Bubba.

REX
It is I, Gnatman.

LOUISE
You’re Rex wearing a silly
costume.

REX
No, Rex had to leave. For
batting practice. Not that
Rex has anything to do with
bats.

CLIFF
Dude, we’re not blind. We
can tell its you, Rex.

Bubba grabs Rex’s mask.

Bubba rips off Rex’s mask.

BUBBA
Surprise. Now, who who
placed their bets on it is
Rex?

REX
No, I don’t look anything
like Rex.

LOUISE
Are you delusional?

CLIFF
Why do super heroes even
wear costumes? A costume
doesn’t give you any special
powers.

BUBBA
Costumes are just for
marketing purposes. You
know how many Super Bubba
S pajamas I sell?

LOUISE
Why don’t we female characters
have many lines?

CLIFF
That’s because the market is
driven at young males who are
easily frightened by females
who speak to them, either in
person or in comic books.

BUBBA
So, Rex, I mean, Gnatman,
you are the super hero who is
going to beat me?

Bubba lightly jabs Rex.

Rex sails several feet through the air.

Rex screams.

Rex lands on his back.

Bubba smells the air.

Bubba reacts as if he smells something foul.

BUBBA (cont’d)
Ah, Rex, you may want to
change your pants.

REX
I’ll get you yet, Super Bubba.

BUBBA
Rex, this could be the start
of a beautiful friendship…
Probably not.

INT. REX’S LABORATORY - DAY

An upscale modernistic laboratory of a wealthy scientists is seen

ALMA, a beautiful woman dressed in a sexy mail outfit, walks around the lab.

Rex walks around the lab.

Alma points to a car designed to resemble a giant gnat with giant antennae.

ALMA
I built you a Gnatmobile.
It’s bullet proof, goes from
zero to one hundred twenty
in three seconds, and has
a potty underneath the
driver’s seat.

REX
Next I need some cool
super hero gadgets.

ALMA
I built you really
absorbent adult diapers.
You shouldn't operate the
potty while driving and
be a distracted driver.
Plus, that would be too
embarrassing a way to
die.

REX
I need a cool sidekick.

ALMA
I could be your sidekick.

REX
Too conventional. A handsome
super hero with an plain
looking woman. No one would
buy it.

ALMA
What?

REX
That Cliff. He’s intriguing.

ALMA
He’s a kid.

REX
He’s eighteen He’s legal.

ALMA
What?

REX
What?

There is a brief awkward silence.

REX
Orphan. Farm boy. Model
citizen. He’s the perfect
sidekick.

ALMA
How will you approach
him about this?

REX
I’ll chloroform him and
drag him to the lab.

ALMA
What?

REX
What?

ALMA
You should ask him if
he wants to be your
sidekick.

REX
Better idea.

EXT. OUTSIDE JUDD’S FOOD TRUCK - DAY

Judd works inside the food truck.

Hector works inside the food truck.

Bubba stands outside the truck.

Savannah walks towards the truck carrying a dead moose.

SAVANNAH
Bubba, it would be easier
if you carried this.

BUBBA
I’m busy thinking. I’d rob
the bank once again, but I
fear if I hit it too much it will
fold, and then I won’t be able
to rob it at all.

Savannah takes the moose into the food truck.

HECTOR
You should think bigger.

BUBBA
You’re right. I should go
where the good stuff is.
I’ll rob a pizza shop.

Savannah exits the food truck.

HECTOR
No, you should rob Fort
Knox. They have gold there.

BUBBA
What do I need with gold?

JUDD
You can buy stuff with gold.

Savannah grabs a chain saw.

Savannah turns on the chain saw.

BUBBA
I don’t need to buy stuff.
I take what I need.

Savannah walks to the food truck.

SAVANNAH
We need to buy stuff.

BUBBA
I hadn’t thought of that.
From now on, give me a
list of what you need.

SAVANNAH
Just as long as I can
give up making moose
burgers.

Savannah enters the food truck while carrying the operating chain saw.

Cliff walks up to the food truck to order.

Rex dressed as Gnatman walks up to Cliff.

REX
Hey, kid, I bet you are
angry at having your
lunch stolen.

CLIFF
You’re darn tooting a
horny toad I am.

REX
Hey, watch the language.
We handsome super heroes
have high morals so parents
will approve of our comics.

CLIFF
Zounds. I am sorry. Sometimes
I get so gosh darned socks angry,
I can’t control my fudge filled
mouth.

REX
How would you like to fight crime?

CLIFF
I was hoping to become a mild
mannered reporter, fall in love
with Alley, romance her, and then
do all kinds of sex positions with
her in a sex swing.

REX
You could have another option…

CLIFF
I know. We could use a trampoline,
or swing from a chandelier…

REX
You could stop criminals. How’d
you like to be my sidekick?

CLIFF
A couple of questions.

REX
Sure.

CLIFF
That Alma I saw you with. Is
she your girlfriend?

REX
I don’t have time to think
about females. I only think
about criminals. Especially
sweaty hairy bad men.

CLIFF
In that case, do you know
if Alma likes trampolines?

INT. ROY’S HORSEMEAT AND OTHER SUNDRY ITEMS STORE - DAY

 A sign reading “Roy’s Horsemeat and Other Sundry Items Store” hangs over a counter.

Roy stands behind a cashier’s counter.

Bubba flies to the counter.

Bubba stops at the counter.

BUBBA
I need tampons.

Roy looks Bubba up and down with his eyes.

ROY
I doubt that.

BUBBA
Look, I really need them.

ROY
We’re out.

BUBBA
How can you be out?

ROY
We sold them all.

BUBBA
How could you have sold
them all?

ROY
People came in with cash
and credit, paid for them all,
and left with them for
wherever one goes with
tampons.

BUBBA
Who else sells them?

ROY
I don’t know. Try the
pharmacy in Riverdull.

BUBBA
I don’t like Riverdull.

ROY
Why not?

BUBBA
The people there are too
cartoonish.

EXT. RIVERDULL PHARACY - DAY

VERONICA, a teenager who looks like Veronica from the Archie comics, walks towards an exit holding a package.

BETTY, a teenager who looks like Betty from the Archie comics, walks next to Veronica holding a package.

Bubba flies into the store.

Bubba walks up to Veronica and Betty.

BUBBA
Where do they sell tampons?

VERONICA
Aisle eight. But we just
bought the last two.

Bubba grabs Veronica’s package.

Bubba flies out the door.

Bubba flies back through the door.

Bubba walks up to Veronica.

BUBBA
Wrong size. Here’s your
tampon and pregnancy
test back.

Betty looks shocked as she turns towards Veronica.

BETTY
What? That Archie!

Bubba grabs Betty’s bag.

Bubba looks into Betty’s bag.

BUBBA
Right size.

Bubba takes the tampon box out of the grocery bag.

Bubba hands the grocery bag back to Betty.

BUBBA (cont’d)
You can keep your pregnancy
test.

Veronica looks shocked while turning towards Betty.

VERONICA
That Archie!

BETTY
Well, there also was Jughead.

Bubba holds the tampon box as he flies out the store.

INT. REX’S LABORATORY - DAY

Rex walks around the laboratory.

Alma walks around the laboratory.

Cliff walks around the laboratory.

REX
We need a cool super
costume For Cliff.

ALMA
I made Cliff a nice
costume with a robin
red color.

Alma lifts and shows off a pink leotard costume.

CLIFF
It’s pink, not red.

ALMA
It’s a shade of red.
Just a tad lighter
than I planned.

CLIFF
It’s pink.

REX
It’s robin red.

ALMA
Robin would make
a nice sidekick name.

REX
That’s a stupid bird
name. Birds eat gnats.

CLIFF
I am thinking something
fierce, like cougar or
panther.

REX
I like petunia.

CLIFF
Petunia? That’s a horrible
name for a sidekick.

REX
Petunia is the most masculine
of all the flowers.

CLIFF
That makes no sense.

REX
Pink Petunia it is. That’s
your name.

Alma whispers to Cliff.

ALMA
Just humor him. You do
that, I’ll show you the swings
I installed to the chandelier.

EXT. DOWNTOWN MIDDLESVILLE ROAD - DAY

Bubba faces a group of WOMEN.

HELEN is amongst the women.

BUBBA
None of you have the size bra
I need?

Rex wearing his Gnatman costume, drives up to Bubba in the Gnatmobile.

Cliff wearing his Pink Petunia costume sits in the passenger seat of the Gnatmobile.

Rex exits the Gnatmobile.

REX
I am Gnatman to the rescue.

Cliff exits the Gnatmobile.

CLIFF
And I am the Pink Petunia.

The women look at Cliff.

Most of the women giggle at Cliff.

HELEN
Gnatman, Super Bubba just
ripped off all our bras.

REX
That’s awful. No one wants
to see that.

BUBBA
I gave them all back.

CLIFF
What kind of pervert are
you?

BUBBA
It wasn’t anything sexual.

HELEN
Well, maybe not for you…

BUBBA
I need a bra.

Rex intently looks at Bubba’s chest.

REX
No you don’t.

CLIFF
You are doomed, Super
Bubba. You can’t touch
us. Our Gnatmobile is
bullet proof.

Bubba walks to the Gnatmobile.

Bubba gently taps the side of the Gnatmobile.

The Grantmobile tilts over on its side.

Bubba crushes the Gnatmobile.

Bubba tilts the destroyed Gnatmobile over and crushes the junk remains into a small box.

BUBBA
It’s not Bubba proof.

Bubba looks at Cliff.

BUBBA (cont’d)
I won’t ask if you have the
right size bra. Your must
be a training bra.

Bubba flies away.

REX
Our problem is we can’t
directly confront Super
Bubba.

CLIFF
Unless you have the
right size bra.

REX
We need to approach
this intelligently.

CLIFF
By going me a new
sidekick name.

REX
Zounds no, Pink Petunia.
We need to observe and
gather intelligence. Super
Bubba has to have a
weakness. Once he reveals
that weakness, then we’ll
pounce on top of him and
make him submit to my
desire.

CLIFF
What?

INT JUDD’S SUITE - DAY

The apartment is a luxury urban suite with a view of a city skyline.

Bubba, thirty years old, walks around the suite.

Judd, twenty years older, walks around the suite.

Savannah, twenty years older, walks around the suite.

BUBBA
I’m bored having everything
I want. I want something more.

SAVANNAH
We’ve gone from having
enough to having too much.

JUDD
Who knew being rich was
so stressful?

Cliff, twenty years older, dressed as Pink Petunia, lowers himself on a rope disguised as a window washer outside the window.

Cliff puts a listening cup against the window and listens from outside the window.

BUBBA
I need excitement. A legacy.
I need to be known as more
than a being a mean villain.
I want to commit the perfect
crime, and have everyone know
I committed it.

JUDD
But the perfect crime is one
where no one else knows you
committed it.

BUBBA
But I want everyone to know.

SAVANNAH
Then how would you get
away with it?

BUBBA
I want to win every state
lottery.

SAVANNAH
The odds against that are
astronomical. You’re more
apt to be hit by lightening
while being bit by a black
widow spider while in the
middle of a tornado.

BUBBA
Been there. Done that.

JUDD
It is beyond even your
powers to win every state
lottery.

BUBBA
Exactly. That’s what makes
it the perfect crime. There is
no way I could have committed
the crime. Yet when I win them
all, everyone will know I did it.

JUDD
How are you going to do it?

BUBBA
I’ll write down all the winning
lottery numbers. Then I’ll
spin the Earth’s rotation
in reverse so it goes back in
time one day.

JUDD
There is no law of physics
or science that supports that.

BUBBA
I say it will work.

SAVANNAH
It makes no sense that
reversing the Earth’s
spin in current time
could possibly result
in time going in reverse.

BUBBA
You just want to spoil
all my fun.

JUDD
We just don’t want you
to be disappointed when
your idea doesn’t work.

Bubba has a temper tantrum and jumps up and down.

BUBBA
It will work! It will work!

INT. REX’S LABORATORY - DAY

Rex, twenty years older, walks around the laboratory.

Alma, twenty years older, walks around the laboratory.

Cliff walks around the laboratory.

CLIFF
After decades of surveillance,
I have something. Bubba
plans to win every state lottery.

ALMA
How is he going to do that?

CLIFF
He’s going to reverse the
Earth’s spin, move time back
one day, and then cash in
all the winning numbers.

ALMA
That won’t work. It is not
logical.

REX
It is perfectly logical.
Which gives me a plan.

ALMA
What’s the plan?

REX
Today is going to happen
tomorrow. So at the end of
today, I will write down all
the winning lottery numbers,
place them in my time
machine, and send them
to me tomorrow.

CLIFF
There is no such thing
as a time machine.

Rex walks to his time machine.

REX
Here is my time machine.

Rex opens his time machine.

Rex removes a piece of paper from the time machine.

REX
Here is the list of the winning
state lottery numbers that I
wrote down yesterday when it
was today. The three of us
split up,fly around the country,
and buy tickets with these
numbers. When they announce
the winners, the winners in every
state will be Super Bubba, and
Gnatman.

ALMA
We’ll be rich.

REX
Only I’ll return my winnings
to charities.

CLIFF
Ah, boss, we could use a
pay raise.

REX
If you want a raise, Pink
Petunia, you shouldn’t have
voted against unionizing.

INT; JUDD’S SUITE - DAY

Judd walks around the suite.

Savannah walks around the suite.

Bubba walks around the suite.

Cliff, dressed as Pink Petunia disguised as a window washer, hangs from a rope outside the window listening through the window with a listening cup.

BUBBA
How did Gnatman also win
all the state lotteries?

SAVANNAH
Nothing makes sense. This
is like a badly wrItten comic
book movies where all sense
and reason are abandoned
and events happen with no
logic to them.

BUBBA
There has to be a logical
explanation. Somehow
Rex Ruth found out about
my plan.

Bubba walks towards the window looking out the window.

Cliff swings off to the side of the window and disappears from sight.

EXT. WALL OUTSIDE JUDD’S SUITE - CONTINUOUS - DAY

Cliff holds onto the side of the wall.

Cliff slides back towards the window.

Bubba turns away from the window.

Less than a second later, Cliff slides behind the window in view of people in the room.

INT. JUDD’S SUTE - CONTINUOUS - DAY

BUBBA
We need to develop intel
into Gnatman. Where’s
Hector?

Judd pushes a button.

An elevator door opens showing Hector dressed as an elevator operator.

HECTOR
If it wasn’t for the million
dollars a year you pay
me, I’d quit this demeaning
job as your personal elevator
operator.

SAVANNAH
You’re family. We treat you
like family, except, of course,
you’re not really family.

BUBBA
I want you to be my sidekick.

HECTOR
Will it pay more?

BUBBA
No. You shouldn’t have
rejected unionizing. But
I’ll throw in two more vacation
days, as long as neither of
them are Thanksgiving or
Christmas.

HECTOR
Are they paid vacation days?

BUBBA
But of course.

HECTOR
I’m in.

EXT. DOWNTOWN MIDDLESVILLE STREET - DAY

Bubba dressed as Super Bubba addresses a crowd of PEOPLE.

Hector holding a horn with a face and hands painted green is dressed in an all green costume.

BUBBA
Everyone, meet my new
sidekick, the Green Horn.

Hector blows a note on his horn.

HECTOR
What super powers are
you giving me?

BUBBA
You have none. I can’t
give out super powers.

HECTOR
Then what do you need
me for?

BUBBA
You do what I don’t feel
like doing.

HECTOR
What’s the first thing
you don’t feel like doing?

BUBBA
Break into Rex’s laboratory
and see what they are up to.

Bubba looks at the crowd of people.

BUBBA (cont’d)
None of you heard that.

INT. REX’S LABORATORY - NIGHT

Hector, dressed as Green Horn, enters the darkened laboratory.

The fluorescent green on Hector’s costume glows in the dark room.

Hector turns on a light.

Hector sees a swing seat attached to a chandelier.

HECTOR
What hideous torture device
is this?

Hector spots the time machine.

HECTOR (cont’d)
Oh, look, a microwave.

Hector spots a bag of popcorn.

Hector puts the bag of popcorn into the time machine.

Hector pushes a button on the time machine.

The time machine rings a bell as it opens.

Hector looks inside the time machine.

HECTOR (cont’d)
What happened to the
popcorn?

Hector reaches into the time machine.

Hector removes a piece of paper from the time machine.

Hector reads the piece of paper.

HECTOR (cont’d)
Green Horm. This is a note from
you in the future. I only
have time to tell you, vote
to unionize, although I may
be too late for that one, and
also to tell you, what are
you thinking? You broke
into a multi-billionaire’s
laboratory and did not
think he’d have security.
You have less than
thirty seconds to get out
of there.

Hector drops the paper.

Hector runs outside the laboratory.

Rex, wearing a robe, turns on a light while running into the laboratory.

Alma, wearing a robe, runs into the laboratory beside Rex.

ALMA
Who is here?

REX
And don’t presume that
because we are both
wearing robes that there
is anything going on
between us.

ALMA
That’s for certain.

REX
What?

ALMA
What?

There is a brief awkward silence.

REX
My powers of observation
are there is a piece of
paper on the floor. What
is that?

Alma picks up the piece of paper.

ALMA
Holy shredded tree, Gnatman,
it’s a piece of paper.

REX
How did it get there?

ALMA
It’s a note from and to the
Green Horn?

REX
Who?

ALMA
The Green Horn. He’s the
latest super hero.

REX
Another super hero? Why
do they keep adding new
ones? It’s hard to keep up
with them all. Is this just
to sell more comic books
to obsessed fans?

Alma looks at a screen showing Hector inside the laboratory.

ALMA
Security footage confirms
it was the Green Horn who
was here.

REX
What does he want?

ALMA
It seems he stole your
popcorn.

REX
I told you, word gets
around you have exotic
foreign popcorn shipped
to you, and soon everyone
wants some.

ALMA
This note confirms the
Green Horn was here
before in the future.

REX
Wait, you lost me.

ALMA
The Green Horn broke
in before in the future to
warn himself in the
past not to break in today.

REX
That makes no sense.

ALMA
It’s our world. It’s like
some mad cartoonist
invented it. We just live
in it.

REX
The Green Horn! This
is the break we’ve been
waiting for.

ALMA
What do you mean?

REX
The Green Horn is
Super Bubba’s weakest
link.

EXT. FOREST LAND - DAY

Bubba walks through some forest land..

WANDER WOMAN, a woman in her twenties wearing short pants, a halter top with a “W” on the halter top, and wrist bands on both wrists, walks through in the same forest land area.

Wander walks up to Bubba.

WANDER
Would you please help me?

BUBBA
Are you lost?

WANDER
If I only knew where I was
going, then I would be lost.

BUBBA
Where do you think you
might like to go?

WANDER
Somewhere where I may express
the need for love amongst all
beings. We parents have sent me
to Earth to deliver the message
of harmony, peace, and love.

BUBBA
So you’re on those hippies?

WANDER
My name is Wander. Wander
Woman.

BUBBA
I am Super Bubba. Are you
related to the Woman family
in Plainfield?

WANDER
No, my mother is Aphrodite.

BUBBA
Oh, the famous stripper.

Wander removes a dagger from her outfit.

WANDER
I carry this dagger as a symbol
of my message of harmony,
peace, and love.

BUBBA
How does a dagger represent
that?

WANDER
I’ll cut anyone who disagrees.

BUBBA
I’m just amazed your parents
approve your going around
expressing your love. Then
again, your mother is a stripper.

WANDER
Where may I go to show my love?

BUBBA
You may start with me.

WANDER
I summon love with my wrist bands.

Wander bangs the wrist band on one arm with the wrist band on the other arm.

BUBBA
Ow, my ears are hurting.

WANDER
If you react, that means it is working.
You are one of the chosen ones.

BUBBA
What is amazing. I’ve never felt
pain before. Other than when I am
put in my Crib Tonight, nothing has
hurt me.

WANDER
I do not mean to inflict pain. Then I
am failing my mission. How may I
make this up to you?

BUBBA
Would you…ahh, I’m a bit shy to
ask this…would you please come
to my apartment…and play video
games with me??

WANDER
I will. Although you must instruct
me how to play these games?

BUBBA
It will be a lot of fun.

WANDER
Good.

BUBBA
Oh, and when we play these games,
we both have to take off all our
clothes.

EXT. BUS STOP - EXT.

Hector stands alone at a bus stop.

Cliff slowly and quietly walks behind Hector holding a bag.

Cliff quickly puts the bag over Hector’s head.

HECTOR
Barbara, I said to do these games
only in private.

Cliff pushes Hector towards a parked car.

CLIFF
I’m not Barbara.

HECTOR
Barbara, this is an unexpected
development.

CLIFF
This is a kidnapping.

HECTOR
I’m a man, so, technically,
this is a man-napping.

ZOE, a woman holding a bag containing a soiled dress, runs up to Cliff and Hector.

ZOE
Excuse me, gentlemen, do
either of you know the way to
the laundromat?

HECTOR
Help! I’m being kidnapped!

ZOE
That’s not my business. I need
to get this dress cleaned for
a party in just a few hours.

HECTOR
Ma’am. There is a hood over my
headband I’m being dragged away.
Call 911.

ZOE
Maybe you deserve to be kidnapped.

CLIFF
He does.

ZOE
So do either of you know how I may
get to the laundromat?

HECTOR
No, I don’t.

ZOE
Maybe if you were helpful, I’d be
helpful back.

CLIFF
The laundromat is two blocks down
the street to Main, turn left on
Main, and it will be a half block
down, on the left.

Cliff opens the trunk of the parked car,

ZOE
Now that was helpful.

Zoe walks to Hector.

ZOE (cont’d)
You should take a lesson
from your kidnapper.

Cliff shoves Hector into the trunk.